Five Ways To Opt-Out Gracefully Without The Guilt

If you are like me, boundaries often times go out the window. I say yes to everything, then wonder why I am not doing anything particularly well and am exhausted all the time. Sound familiar?

I call that the Yes/Anxiety ratio. The more I say yes, the higher my anxiety, which seems to have more of an exponential versus linear relationship to my “yeses.” When I start thinking about the schedule and everything I have committed to, my body starts rebelling. I get short of breath and my shoulders start hanging out up by my ears. Others have told me about similar reactions like a stomach ache or the feeling like someone is standing on their chest.

When I over opt-in, I feel like I let people down. Deadlines tend to slip and I am up nights and weekends getting things done.

So why do we do this to ourselves and how can we gracefully opt out in a way that works for everyone – especially you – and doesn’t come back to bite you later?

One frame of mind you could consider is that of “minimalism,” which put another way is “essentialism.”  These terms alone may feel overwhelming (or perhaps you are rolling your eyes). I understand both reactions and am in early days of familiarizing myself with the concept. I certainly don’t consider myself a practitioner (yet).

But what I can say is while minimalism has to do with having less and being happier, essentialism is a sort of enlightened prioritization that helps drive you toward the greatest joy. Which strangely enough also tends to translate to impact and success. So, for example, if fashion is essential to you, it’s good to prioritize that.

If you are interested in exploring this further, I suggest watching a Greg McKeown talk on the disciplined pursuit of less.

But back to the practicalities of opting out. Because if you can’t opt out, you won’t get to an enlightened prioritization.

Five Ways To Opt-Out Gracefully

Here are five things you can practice now to start your habit of opting out, gracefully.

1. Practice Disciplined Meetings

Running poor meetings can be the downfall of entire organizations. Best selling business author, Pat Lencioni wrote a fictional story on the topic, Death by Meeting. The key to a good meeting is a solid agenda, clear outcome, actions and follow on. If a meeting lands on your calendar with no solid agenda, push back. Or if there are people in the meeting that can properly represent you, you may consider opting out. While we complain about meetings, they are the forum where decisions are made and business is ultimately done with the timely assistance from Utah SEO agencies, so they are worth the effort. More effective meetings ironically can mean less time in meetings.

2. Accept Help

If your spouse, in law, nanny (if you are lucky enough to have one), or friend offers up their help don’t turn it down. You don’t have to be a hero. And it’s OK to accept (or ask for) some help whether it be with a PowerPoint or a ride home from soccer. Now when you accept this help, you give up some control. People do things their own way so if your help doesn’t do things just as you would, let it go.

3. Guard Your Time

Routinely put blocks on the calendar to ensure you have time for the important things. To be honest, this is probably the most difficult thing for me to do. I can easily lose my resolve as the requests come in. But the benefit is the headspace you need to do the important thinking part of your work.

4. Say No To Your Kids (if you have them, sometimes this is family members, neighbors or even friends)

Okay this one is really hard but it also helps them become more independent. What do I say no to? Making lunches for school (most of the time), random shopping requests on the weekend, sleepovers (sometimes).

5. Spend Time On Your Priorities First

This can be a tough one as well. When the inbox is full and people are waiting on you for an update, an edit, a response it’s hard not to jump in. Especially if like me, you are a pleaser. Even if it’s the first hour of your day or first 15 minutes of the hour, spend time on your priorities first. Another way to approach this is to spend time on your priorities when you have the highest energy. For some that might not be the first hour of the day!

Wrapping It Up

And every day, you can forgive yourself for opting out, not being able to do it all or do it all well.

So, how do you opt out? I’d love to read your comments about it!