Do you ever get tired because you are trying to be everything to everyone? When you are at work you are thinking about your kids and when you are with your kids you are constantly thinking about work. It’s like you are open for business 24/7.
Just last week I had an important two-hour meeting in the morning, which I needed to leave the house early for. I had prepared in advance. My family knew I had this meeting going on yet I kept receiving text messages from my two high school kids (mom I forgot my grips – are you kidding me?). And you might say ‘just ignore it” and you would be right but if you’ve ever been in that situation it’s nearly impossible.
I wanted to explore this dynamic a bit more so I surveyed some of you working moms – some new, some who had been at it for a while.
Here is what you said:
- We stay connected to work even while we are participating in family events such as our child’s soccer game
- Also, we stretch ourselves in an effort to meet our work and family expectations to the point of sacrificing our health
- And we are split on how comfortable we are sharing our family commitments with our work colleagues and bosses (some are, some are not)
- We hardly ever feel like we are succeeding at work and at home
Why Keeping It Together Is The New Having It All
Many of you have likely heard of (or read) Lean In, COO of Facebook Sheryl Sandberg’s, signature book about empowering women to take more ownership of their careers. When it was released in 2013, I couldn’t wait for my copy to arrive in the mail. I thought this would really shed some light on how I could make it all work. But after reading it, instead of feeling empowered, I felt deflated, depressed and stressed out. I will tell you why I felt stressed out, and it has nothing to do with the book or Sheryl. The book is really great and spurred an important dialogue in this country (and beyond) about women in the workplace.
Ironically Sandberg validated much of my life and career. I negotiate my compensation much like a man, I have an equal partner and I don’t “leave before I leave” (Sandberg’s phrase describing how women step away from big opportunities at work even if they are “thinking” of starting a family).
But I realized, if I leaned in any further I would fall over.
Wrapping It Up
The pressure to lean in and keep leaning in was overwhelming for me. And I asked myself could there be such a thing “Lean in for the rest of us?” And for many of us could “keeping it together” be more important than “having it all?”
I believe the answer is yes. It’s what I write about and what I love to talk to other women about. Because I get the sense we are all trying to show our perfect selves. And through that effort we sacrifice our health and sap our precious energy. If you’re looking for an alternative to lean in come and join me in keeping it together.
Because wouldn’t it be great if keeping it together is the new having it all?
And if you haven’t yet, please make your opinions known by spending just five minutes on this survey.
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