The Connection Between Outsourcing And Joy

Let’s get this out of the way. If you hire help for childcare, cooking, cleaning or anything else, it does not mean you are a “bad” or “less than” mom. And if you do outsource – you do not need to feel guilty about it.

I wish someone told me that 10 years ago. With two little kids and my husband and I working 12-hour days schlepping to daycare, often last kid pick-up and sacrificing work opportunities (and certainly the weekends, spent catching up on errands, cleaning then squeezing some Saturday night TV in before collapsing), my younger self really could have benefited from advice from my older self.

Here are more stories from working moms who discovered outsourcing doesn’t have to come with the guilt.

Outsourcing And Joy

Meet Melissa

Melissa M is a busy executive communications professional who struggles with getting help because she feels the guilt of not taking care of the housecleaning first hand. She wants to instill a sense of work ethic for her kids by cleaning the house together as a family but more often than not, it falls apart. The kids are resistant and arguments ensue followed by tears and general stress. On the flip side, if the kids have no chores, as a mom you feel the guilt of not teaching them the value of hard work. Sometimes I see the “not so good” effects of letting my kids off the hook when it comes to housework but in the end, I have opted for professional help with house cleaning and leave the laundry to the kids.

Some of the resistance was certainly financial, but mostly it was mind-set. I held a mythical belief that if we had a nanny with our kids all day – they would become more attached to the nanny than their mommy. I also held the belief that (with my excellent partner who took on a good part of the duties) we could do it all. And we did but at what cost?

Meet Laura

Laura H comes from a different perspective. She learned early that life is short and you need to live to the fullest. Her older brother unexpectedly died young. Her husband had similar experience. Laura is a busy pediatric ophthalmologist and is raising five children with her husband, who’s in private equity. She has decided to lean heavily into outsourcing. “I outsource anything and everything that doesn’t bring me joy.” For her, those things are

• House cleaning “get it into the hands of the professionals” she says
• LOTS of nanny help – sometimes two at a time “so the two-year old doesn’t have to be dragged to the hockey game and so mom and dad don’t always have to divide and conquer”
• Yard work
• And now that her kids are older, I outsource my grocery shopping so that I can support their weekend activities.

On the other hand, Laura does not outsource grocery shopping because it “is part of our Saturday routine. We all load into the car, head to the stores, then have lunch as a family.”

Meet Cori

Cori Ramos runs a virtual assistant business. Before that she worked for AT&T as a sales manager.

The long hours kept her away from home a lot which meant she would miss out on school programs and dance recitals.

In addition to outsourcing to help with the household chores, she would sometimes outsource she admits a couple of times she had to outsource cheerleading at her daughter’s dance recitals.

“There were a couple of times I could not go to my daughter’s dance recitals because of ‘mandatory meetings’ I had to attend. Since my niece was also on the dance team, my sister-in-law would be a cheerleader for my daughter to show her support in my absence. And to ease my guilt, I would take her shopping as my way to make up for my not being there. My daughter didn’t mind it one bit and I know that kind of behavior on my part was wrong, but the guilt I felt was so overwhelming, it was the only thing I could think of at the time to make it right.” 😊

Wrapping It Up

While some of the more common things to outsource are childcare, cleaning and shopping, keep an eye out for those other things that to just seem mind-numbing and steal your joy. For example, Laura has her nanny pack her suitcase before a trip. I have outsourced scrapbooking and winterizing the house.

In the end, you have to decide what brings you the most joy and based on your finances, time and energy, what makes most sense to outsource. But pay attention if you start talking yourself out of letting someone help for reasons that I would call “mindset.” These would include:

• “I really should do this myself – I am the mom and others expect it from me”
• “If I let someone do ‘X’ for me, I am shirking my obligation”
• “If the nanny spends too much time with my kids, they may love me less”

In Closing: What I Learned About Outsourcing

What I learned through experience and in speaking with other very wise women is that the goal really should be to outsource anything that doesn’t give you joy. Life is just too short.

Now let’s chat. What are some of the things you outsource? Tell us about it in the comments below!