I have what feels like two generations of children. Two of my kids were born between 2001 and 2003. And the youngest was born in 2012. That 10-year age gap feels like an eternity in a world that moves at warp speed.
Parenting the first two was a real eye-opener for me. I needed completely different parenting skills for each of them. Their personalities were so different. Their strengths and weaknesses inverted. The oldest struggles socially but excels academically. The middle has high emotional intelligence but academics can be a challenge.
But at least with the first two, I could swing through the same daycare or school system. They had the same days off, the same school colors and the same sport structure. Plus I saw the same moms and dads at the pool, the soccer field and the gymnastics meets.
Balancing work, home life, marriage and friends with the first two was quite challenging. Many of my past blogs posts will attest to that. If you need more color, read “The dentist appointment” or “I am Henry Hill.”
Then An Unexpected And Beautiful Surprise
Ten years went by and we got pregnant again. But this time, parenting was a new world. There were door-step pickup and delivery services for cloth diapers. New types of breast pumps and all sorts of new feeding gadgets. There were new jumpy toys, in general a whole host of new equipment to choose from.
What It’s Like Parenting Children With A Wide Age Gap
In the mornings, I drop off two at the middle school, then swing by the preschool for my littlest one. As I look at those younger faces, not just the kids, but the parents, sometimes I feel out of place. These parents are still in gen 1. They are earlier in their careers and are just starting their families. Many pregnant working moms go in and out those doors. I feel like an impostor, and my youngest child is the camouflage. We even have new sets of friends with younger kids.
And now the first two are getting a bit easier. They can make food for themselves. Keep themselves organized. They can do their homework independently (sort of) without being asked (sort of). And they started making money! Wow, how cool is that. They go to the mall without asking mom for cash and feel good about it.
“The difference in parenting skills between the two generations now feels like the distance across the Grand Canyon.” – Kim Kupiecki
I can go from giving a time out to helping with algebra to consoling in the span of ten minutes. It feels like whiplash sometimes!
Then there is the balance. Making sure each of them have what they need from me and my husband. Thank heavens I have an excellent and equal partner who is involved with their lives. I really don’t have to do it all but there is something about mom, especially with girls, that I am sensitive to. And to be honest, I usually feel like I fall short to some extent in all the areas of my life.
Bridge Braces To Diapers
So how do you keep it together when you have two in braces and one in diapers? Well, here are some things I do to try and be a good parent, a good employee and a so-so wife (best I can do).
#1 Quality versus quantity. With the big girls, I try to get down to their issues when we have conversations. Unless I dig, many times they won’t share what’s really going on. Once I know, then I can help in a more relevant way.
#2 Use car time wisely. I have a tendency to zone out during taxi-mom sessions. Like most of us, my mind is constantly going, usually worrying about how behind I am at work or how I am going to cover the schedule. But take that time to have conversations with your kids. Make them put the phone down and talk about their day. Even with the little one, I can make conversation.
#3 Try to have dinner together. At least four times per week, we sit down as a family for dinner. Sometimes that means we eat late after everyone comes home from sports, church etc. And it might mean my little one is having a “second” dinner in her jammies right before her bedtime. But this is when we can all connect as a family and it’s really important.
#4 Make time for work. I find myself setting boundaries to ensure I have the time, energy and focus I need for work. This means I have to ask for help, from my partner, in laws and in my case, I went so far as to hire a nanny. See “Five things to look for in a nanny” for more on that.
#5 Find tiny moments with your spouse. For me that means grabbing a quick drink when we have a window or even just watching a favorite show together. We are both TWD junkies – for those of you who aren’t, that means The Walking Dead.
Wrapping Up
So those are my top tips for parenting kids with a wide age gap. My one final tip for you is…embrace imperfection. You’ll miss out on important milestones if you’re focused on being the ‘perfect parent’.
Do you have children with a wide age gap? If you have any parenting tips, share it in the comments below.
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