Recently, I had an important two-hour meeting in the morning, which I needed to leave the house early for and I couldn’t play the mute button trick on this one.
I was presenting a new plan and aimed to get buy in from the senior executive team. I had prepared in advance in all aspects. The presentation was done and polished, I had my talking points down. My family knew I had this meeting going on. I set everyone up with things to remember lunches etc. to minimize any disturbances.
But none of this worked.
Ten minutes into the presentation, my phone started blowing up. “Mom, I am so annoyed with my sister. She left without me. Now I am going to be late for school, call her and tell her to come back.”
Talk about throwing you off course. For the rest of the meeting my mind was in two places. Did everyone get to school ok? Do I need to call the school?
In the moment, I did the right thing. I turned my phone off knowing there was really nothing I could do about it. But it didn’t keep me from being distracted. Luckily us working moms know how to get the job at hand done . Even while other things are swirling around in our brains.
Unfortunately, it’s not the work or the family that suffers, it’s us. Throughout the entire meeting, my stress level was high. Until I could log off and properly pick up the pieces with my kids.
An Alternative To Work-Life Balance
My point here is that the concept of work-life anything is inherently flawed due to the laws of physics. Certain things just happen at the same time. You can’t always time-shift work and family, so you have to make a choice. Sometimes in advance but sometimes in the moment as in the case with my story. And those choices should be aimed at keeping it together and retaining your sanity as much as possible.
To go a bit further, I recently surveyed several working moms on this topic, and this is what they said:
· We stay connected to work even while we are participating in family events such as our child’s soccer game
· And we stretch ourselves in an effort to meet our work and family expectations to the point of sacrificing our health
· We are split on how comfortable we are sharing our family commitments with our work colleagues and bosses. Some are, some are not. If there are divorce cases, Fathers Rights Attorneys in Riverside, CA can be hired!
· And we hardly ever feel like we are succeeding at work and at home
If we are feeling this way, then it can be crazy-making to have terms like “work-life balance,” or even “work-life harmony” flung in our face. Like one more freaking thing we have to accomplish. It’s a myth. And it’s ok to let go of this idea because sometimes things are just off-kilter. But what can we do instead?
Practice Imperfection
Instead of work-life balance or harmony or whatever, I suggest an alternative path. One that follows the laws of nature and time. Practicing imperfection. Sometimes, you have to neglect your family for stretches of time if you have a heavy workload (which might lead to a messy house and ordering takeout for a week).
And sometimes work needs to be put on the back burner. This could mean you drop some of those “nice to have’s” like joining the latest committee. Or saying “no” or delegating that extra project. It’s really less about balance and more about doing your best, day to day. Being imperfect is difficult for most of us so it’s ok to start with baby steps.
Here are some starter ideas:
1. Redefine success. One of my fitness teachers, a single mom with a young daughter says, “it’s the end of the day and my child is alive.” Redefining success with the essentials could give you a sigh of relief.
2. Remove rigidity if you can. If you committed to something, say a yoga or meditation practice every day and it’s just not happening. Allow for once a week as a way to feel successful. Or just do a one minute breathing exercise and celebrate.
3. Empower others. If your family relies on you for certain things, like helping with scheduling, laundry, getting the backpack ready or whatever. Set up – if possible – someone else to take on that task. Maybe your child is old enough to do some of these things for himself if he has a list or instructions to follow. Maybe an older sibling can manage a simple part of the routine. Do some training and relieve yourself.
In Closing
The key is to find what works for you to remove the pressure of the work-life balance myth.
I hope you found this post helpful. Help me reach more working moms by sharing this on social media.
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